Did I ever mention that I hate "inspirational" posters?

I like this one though.

Is this caring in any way?

Is it just me, or it there a fundamental flaw in logic on display in this sign?

"..we are responsible for your safety" - okay I get this part... they are serving you alcohol and want to ensure nothing bad happens to you - you don't injure yourself or catch fire or anything. Cool. I'm down with that. Fair enough.

But my problem is this part: "If you are drunk.. ..you may be asked to leave." That's just great. Now that's caring. You are drunk and unable to control yourself or behave appropriately, and they'll just turn you out into the street. There are cars out there! Cars are the natural enemy of the drunk person (who tends to stagger toward the pretty-looking and fast approaching headlights).

Heck, if they really are "responsible for your safety", shouldn't they provide a nice safe place to have a lie down or something? Surely ejecting people into the dark and uncaring night - replete with cars, rapists and random stabbings - is not being particularly responsible for their safety.

It's much like having a sign at the Roman Colosseum that reads: "As your Imperial Overlords, we are responsible for your safety. If you become too Christian, we will not serve you and you may be thrown to the lions."

Seriously people, where is the love?

Amy's Birthday

Amy had birthday drinks at the Bombay Bicycle Club... an odd joint. They clearly spend some serious cash making it look like some quasi-Raj India joint, but then plastered cheap and nasty liquor brand posters over everything and hung McK Bourbon bunting from everything - completely destroying the effect they spent so much money to achieve! Stupid.
Speaking of "completely destroying", however, they had 2-for-1 vodka specials all night... with the expected results.

From there, those of us still standing moved on to ELH, where I ran into Julie and Holly and things took a turn for the drunken.
As is often the case, it was light before I saw home.

Parklife

Bretski laced me up with a ticket to Parklife today. I just got home. Big day and night. This is the first festival other than Womadelaide that I've been to in the parklands.
Now, before I continue, a disclaimer: people are dancing in the crowds in a pretty serious way... I had a hard time getting a single focused photo.


Right, so I got there just in time for MSTRCRFT - who I love and feel lucky to have had a chance to see play.
Luckier still, I ran into Dee in the crowd and, seeing as how Bretski and his crew were hard to find and harder still to keep in sight for any length of time, it was fortuitous I did find Dee and we became pretty much inseparable for the remainder of the festival.


We moved over to check out Lyrics Born, who will always remain one of my favourite bay area rappers. He did a great set with full band. However, I was surprised at the way, during the song "Stop Complaining", he kept on telling the audience he couldn't hear them and that we weren't singing loud enough. All with a complete lack of irony.
Where I come from, "I can't hear you!" and "You're not loud enough!" can pretty much be considered complaining.


Next up was Derrick Carter in the "Fire Tent", some food and general "festivalness". Then onto the third major highlight of the festival: JusTice.
Maaaaaan, they went off! A mad, stomping set that included everything from Daft Punk; to their own awesome "We Are Your Friends" Simian remix; U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday"; House of Pain's "Jump Around"; to Rage Against The Machine's "Killing in the Name of".
The whole set fully went off.
Here is a short video clip to give you an idea of the going-off-ness of the set and the crowd (and to test this new blipBack mobile video blogging thing.


I must mention though - the mess. Sheesh. You go to Womadelaide and the whole park is immaculate. At Parklife, the whole place was awash in rubbish by the time I got there and it only got worse. I wasn't impressed.

Anyway, once Parklife was over, it was on to the afterparty at Electric Circus. Many laughs and cocktails were had, rounding the night off splendidly.

My ears ring, though.

People I don't look like (part... oh, god.. I don't know, 7?)

I don't look like Cypher. Okay?

I went into a shop the other day. The girl behind the counter smiled at me and said, "Hey, have you seen 'The Matrix'?"
Now, I knew where this was going. I've been on the receiving end of this particular conversational opener before.
I stared at her blankly and said "Uh, 'The Matrix'? Sorry, never heard of it."
She looked at me with a certain degree of surprise for a moment then laughed and said how funny I was.
She then resumed with "You look just like-"
...At which point I jammed my fingers in my ears and started making a high-pitched whining noise.
Clearly, she wasn't expecting this and asked me if I'm okay.
I explained that if she tells me that I look like Cypher, I will smash everything in the shop.
She smiled and said "No, I wasn't going to say you look like Cypher. I was going to say you looked like... um..."
A few minutes later, I left the shop, leaving her still unable to come up with an alternate character to say I looked like.

Me = Cypher? NO.
Just don't go there.

The Jelly Babie Conspiracy

There has been an insidious evil going on that no-one seems to have noticed... except for me: the disappearance of a whole segment of the Jelly Baby population. You can see in the photo above the regular contents of a container of Jelly Babies. But look at the image below, and you'll see one of the newly arrived bags of these juicy infants...


The green ones have vanished. I'm not sure quite when this happened but, thinking back, I seem to recall that the green ones were becoming a smaller and smaller minority for quite some time.

There is only one explanation : Ethnic Cleansing.

Now this is truly abhorrent. The idea of discriminating against any group based on the colour of their jubey flesh is appalling enough, but to actually round them up and eliminating them truly chills the soul.
For the love of all that's good, THEY'RE JUST BABIES!! How could they have possibly have done anything to warrant such inhumane treatment, they only left the factory production line days before.

And don't get me started on this outrage...


We must all make our voices heard on this issue, every day we remain quiet, we endorse this injustice.

For those who may have forgotten...

It really is funny how quickly people forget stuff. I dropped a girl I work with home the other night and, in the morning, she texted me asking if I had any facial hair. She saw me the night before.
I MMSed her this picture:
She then texted back "How long has it been like that?" - as if I'd grown it since she saw me twelve hours earlier.
When I took her up on her poor memory, she confessed she couldn't recall what colour my eyes were either.
For anyone else who may be unsure, I include the following image:
I request that anyone who is having any trouble remembering what I look like download these images and set them as either their desktop backgrounds or mobile phone wallpapers.

Also, as a footnote, this man is not me (to start with, I'm much cuter):
I swear, the next person to tell me I look like him is going to witness the hissy fit of their lives.
DON'T tickle this dragon.

It's true. I'm all about the dumplings.

I figured, while I'm being all confessional, I should confirm to all those who suspected it that, yes, my principal motivation in everything I do is dumplings.

Ingmar Bergman

I was saddened, surprised and ashamed to hear of the passing of this great and inspirational filmmaker.
"Ashamed?" I hear you ask... well this relates to the surprised part: You see, I was surprised to hear of his passing, but even more surprised to discover he was, hitherto, still alive.

Beardyman is such a king

Damn. Not only is this guy a superb beatboxer, but he's posted one of the funniest videos I've seen in a while too.

You can check out more of his stuff at: http://www.beardyman.co.uk

A sort of review of "The Simpsons Movie"

Having viewed a screening this morning, I thought I'd throw down my
thoughts... seeing as I seem to be one of the first.

The Simpsons Movie is just what you'd expect. The characters are all there, the tone is the same... it really is just a big, cinema scope episode of the show. In order to make the big screen transition seem worthwhile, the stakes have been raised, the animation contains flourishes of detail you'd never normally see, and there are a handful of elements designed to shock certain demographics just enough to get people talking, but not so much as to create any genuine scandal.

While funny (particularly in the first half), you can't help but feel a nagging sense of disappointment. Partly for opportunities missed, partly for sections that feel like retreads of things we've seen the characters do before, but mostly because it really is just a super-sized episode of the show from TV.

I don't think anyone's going to be surprised by this though - it's not as if they were going to break the format in any major (or even minor) way.

After opening with an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon (and a few jokes about how the audience is being ripped off - forced to pay to see something that is on TV for free), the opening titles follow in roughly the same format as the series... mainly visiting different locations in Springfield, but still being fundamentally recognizable.

From there, the first half is well paced and humorous and visits the majority of the characters one hopes to see. Various elements are very effectively set up in the first half and the wheels being very much in motion throughout, once the plot really starts to kick in (about the 40 minute mark) the film starts a gradual slide into mediocrity. The progression of the necessary story events takes a front seat and the humor drops off. Everything becomes quite predictable.

It's not that any of it is bad - it's just no better than the show. If you watch it with a crowd, you'll laugh the majority of the time, just don't expect any quantum leap from what you see at home. Sure, there are some nifty 3D tricks on display (and a few bad ones - check out the sides of screen during the "camera move" through the torch-bearing angry mob and you'll see the figures become pixelated with digital zoom as they pass through extreme foreground), everything is bigger and the stakes are higher, but you won't find a single surprise here.

Maybe that's the point though. This franchise has become something of an elder statesman of popular culture, do we really want to see anything change?

If you've read this far, you know you're probably going to see this film. I just advise to see it with a crowd and to free yourself of any unnecessary expectation - you'll enjoy it a lot more if you do.

Neither great nor bad, The Simpsons Movie coasts through with the occasional spark of brilliance.
Just like the show really.

Kristin's Birthday at ELH

The ever-lovely Kristin celebrated her birthday at ELH this weekend. A few drinks spiraled into getting home at dawn. Kristin and I being the last ones standing. We do have a lot of fun together.