The Jelly Babie Conspiracy

There has been an insidious evil going on that no-one seems to have noticed... except for me: the disappearance of a whole segment of the Jelly Baby population. You can see in the photo above the regular contents of a container of Jelly Babies. But look at the image below, and you'll see one of the newly arrived bags of these juicy infants...


The green ones have vanished. I'm not sure quite when this happened but, thinking back, I seem to recall that the green ones were becoming a smaller and smaller minority for quite some time.

There is only one explanation : Ethnic Cleansing.

Now this is truly abhorrent. The idea of discriminating against any group based on the colour of their jubey flesh is appalling enough, but to actually round them up and eliminating them truly chills the soul.
For the love of all that's good, THEY'RE JUST BABIES!! How could they have possibly have done anything to warrant such inhumane treatment, they only left the factory production line days before.

And don't get me started on this outrage...


We must all make our voices heard on this issue, every day we remain quiet, we endorse this injustice.

For those who may have forgotten...

It really is funny how quickly people forget stuff. I dropped a girl I work with home the other night and, in the morning, she texted me asking if I had any facial hair. She saw me the night before.
I MMSed her this picture:
She then texted back "How long has it been like that?" - as if I'd grown it since she saw me twelve hours earlier.
When I took her up on her poor memory, she confessed she couldn't recall what colour my eyes were either.
For anyone else who may be unsure, I include the following image:
I request that anyone who is having any trouble remembering what I look like download these images and set them as either their desktop backgrounds or mobile phone wallpapers.

Also, as a footnote, this man is not me (to start with, I'm much cuter):
I swear, the next person to tell me I look like him is going to witness the hissy fit of their lives.
DON'T tickle this dragon.

It's true. I'm all about the dumplings.

I figured, while I'm being all confessional, I should confirm to all those who suspected it that, yes, my principal motivation in everything I do is dumplings.

Ingmar Bergman

I was saddened, surprised and ashamed to hear of the passing of this great and inspirational filmmaker.
"Ashamed?" I hear you ask... well this relates to the surprised part: You see, I was surprised to hear of his passing, but even more surprised to discover he was, hitherto, still alive.

Beardyman is such a king

Damn. Not only is this guy a superb beatboxer, but he's posted one of the funniest videos I've seen in a while too.

You can check out more of his stuff at: http://www.beardyman.co.uk

A sort of review of "The Simpsons Movie"

Having viewed a screening this morning, I thought I'd throw down my
thoughts... seeing as I seem to be one of the first.

The Simpsons Movie is just what you'd expect. The characters are all there, the tone is the same... it really is just a big, cinema scope episode of the show. In order to make the big screen transition seem worthwhile, the stakes have been raised, the animation contains flourishes of detail you'd never normally see, and there are a handful of elements designed to shock certain demographics just enough to get people talking, but not so much as to create any genuine scandal.

While funny (particularly in the first half), you can't help but feel a nagging sense of disappointment. Partly for opportunities missed, partly for sections that feel like retreads of things we've seen the characters do before, but mostly because it really is just a super-sized episode of the show from TV.

I don't think anyone's going to be surprised by this though - it's not as if they were going to break the format in any major (or even minor) way.

After opening with an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon (and a few jokes about how the audience is being ripped off - forced to pay to see something that is on TV for free), the opening titles follow in roughly the same format as the series... mainly visiting different locations in Springfield, but still being fundamentally recognizable.

From there, the first half is well paced and humorous and visits the majority of the characters one hopes to see. Various elements are very effectively set up in the first half and the wheels being very much in motion throughout, once the plot really starts to kick in (about the 40 minute mark) the film starts a gradual slide into mediocrity. The progression of the necessary story events takes a front seat and the humor drops off. Everything becomes quite predictable.

It's not that any of it is bad - it's just no better than the show. If you watch it with a crowd, you'll laugh the majority of the time, just don't expect any quantum leap from what you see at home. Sure, there are some nifty 3D tricks on display (and a few bad ones - check out the sides of screen during the "camera move" through the torch-bearing angry mob and you'll see the figures become pixelated with digital zoom as they pass through extreme foreground), everything is bigger and the stakes are higher, but you won't find a single surprise here.

Maybe that's the point though. This franchise has become something of an elder statesman of popular culture, do we really want to see anything change?

If you've read this far, you know you're probably going to see this film. I just advise to see it with a crowd and to free yourself of any unnecessary expectation - you'll enjoy it a lot more if you do.

Neither great nor bad, The Simpsons Movie coasts through with the occasional spark of brilliance.
Just like the show really.

Kristin's Birthday at ELH

The ever-lovely Kristin celebrated her birthday at ELH this weekend. A few drinks spiraled into getting home at dawn. Kristin and I being the last ones standing. We do have a lot of fun together.

Alpaca

What? I need a reason to post a picture of an Alpaca on my blog? Damn you and your judgements straight to hell. It's my blog. Mine!

Me Wantee!!

I love this t-shirt. It's called "Adorable Disaster".
To be honest, I love a lot of the t-shirt designs over at www.threadless.com.
Sadly this one is all sold out in my size. I must wait for an eventual reprint.

12:34 5/6/07

Well that was a bit of a fizzer, wasn't it? The universe didn't collapse or anything.
Almost as big a letdown as the millennium.

Another Gentlemen's Absinthe Evening

Not being able to get all my oldest mates in one place very often had been a frustration for a very long time. A solution seems to be a bottle of top shelf absinthe. (In this case THIS one)
Another great evening of drinking and garbage-talking followed (although there was some horseplay later in the evening). All involved are eager for the next such evening to be arranged.

It should, however, be noted that, when drinking absinthe that contains a suspension of wormwood shavings, straining the wood through your teeth is not the best idea.

At War with the Imbeciles (part XXIV)

Of late, I've found the stupidity of modern culture increasingly frustrating. One of my greatest peeves has to be stupid "Serving Suggestions".
This one here truly takes the cake.


What the hell is that about?
I mean, seriously, what are they thinking?

As I understand it, a serving suggestion is supposed to be an example of how the food contained within the packaging might be served. (I assume this was born of some customer complaint that the picture did not accurately depict the contents). Thus a tub of yoghurt has a "serving suggestion" of the yoghurt in a bowl with a piece of fruit on it; a packet of couscous has an image of the couscous cooked and on a plate with a garnish. This I comprehend.

What I can not comprehend is the "suggestion" that a jar of peanut butter can somehow be "served" as reconstituted peanuts. How in hell am I supposed to do that? I'm pretty sure the peanut shells depicted in this "suggestion" would have been removed prior to the nuts hitting the blender, so there is no way in hell I'm ever getting those back, even if I could magically re-sculpt nuts out of the butter.

This, in my humble opinion, is stupidity of the highest order and reasonable grounds to start lighting fires in the supermarket aisles that contain the offending packages.
You have not heard the last of this.